Fourteen in the eleventh month.

Yesterday night, after reading something a strong surge of mixed emotions came over me and somehow I didn’t feel good. Many things of last year came flooding back and I felt so troubled and terrible inside. It was like this monster devouring my whole soul. It wasn’t something that was of sickness but it was something like many strings tugging at my mental soul. As gross as it may sound, but that was how I felt exactly. That made me feel like a person that wasn’t me, like I just changed my soul or something. I didn’t know what happened and I can’t find myself an explanation for how that happened. Certain unhappy things that I once thought that I’ve long forgotten and just kept at a very very teen weeny corner of my mind, came out of nowhere and popped up like a big image filling my whole brain. I couldn’t look at it positively like how I’ve always done so. But I’m glad to say, after waking up this morning, I felt so much better.

Sometimes it’s inevitable that people are sad or unhappy; all those negative feelings. We are all made in this way, to allow us to feel different emotions. Imagine yourself being happy all your life, well it may sound like a good thing, but if you don’t ever feel sad or depressed or angry etc, your life is just a bed of roses with absolutely no excitement at all. And that isn’t realistic, it doesn’t happen in real life, it’s just a figment of a fairytale writer’s imagination.

People go through one of those bad days in life and for me, yesterday was probably by far one of the bad nights since ages ago. I can’t remember myself being so troubled and terrible before last night. I might have learn it the hard way to know how and when to let go of certain things and to not let it bother me anymore, but I guess yesterday might just have been a reminder, a memory that I know will never be erased. But so what, it can affect me for a day, but it will never bring me down for weeks. That’s stupid. As for the other things that were troubling me, like what vanes said, it’s really out of my control (except for my results), so I might as well just accept this fact and think about what I can do about it. It was some disheartening news but I’m sure we’ll all get over it in a matter of time and to remember them for how much they meant to us.

Sim Vanessa:
Thanks for telling me all that in the sms-es that we exchanged last night when I wasn’t feeling good at all. I really do appreciate the fact that you’ve always been so encouraging in all the things and decisions that I’ve done and made. During the toughest periods in st nick’s, you were always ready with all your hugs and a valuable listening ear. Though you’ve moved on to a different school, but till this date, to know that we are still in contact and maintaining our good friendship, it heartens me. I’m also thankful for you, for letting me know that whenever I’m in need of a listening ear or when I’m in trouble, I can just give you a phone call or a sms. You’ve definitely made tough times easier to handle, because of your presence and willingness to help me get over whatever I need to. I may not have told you this before but, Vanes, you’ve been a very important friend to me that I treasure a lot. Right now, I’ve so many things to tell and thank you for but somehow my brain isn’t working that well and those words just don’t come that smoothly now, but just know that in every little way that you’ve helped me, I see it and I’m glad that you did it.

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”
~ Helen Keller
Thank you, Vanes(: