They always will be the best in my heart(:

Man, does it really have to end up in this way? I didn’t know I would be so affected by this whole episode. Each day, seeing the school and the people, I get reminded of everything. Even though my grumbles and whines and pleas would not change anything but I really don’t want such a thing to happen and if possible, if it could work, I would grumble till my tonsils swell, my voice goes haywire and my jaws getting all numb with all the pleas, just to get them all back, to be with us once again, like a big family. There weren’t all happy moments in this big family, but we got to know each other better through the trials that we’ve gone through. Now, I can see and understand why people always say that we only treasure those around us when they start leaving us slowly, one by one. And like what I said before, I’m only treasuring this special people now, at a time when they’ve decided to leave.

One teacher said “I’ve facebook. Don’t look so shock, girls. I was already a member before you girls knew the existence of it.” There was this sudden urge to add them all in, to always keep in touch no matter where they are. It’s like a feeling of losing such good and dedicated teachers at one go and I don’t want that feeling to persist. Honestly, it pains me, looking at them go, telling us to work hard, bring glory to the school and then probably give us a hug then turn their backs and walk out. I’m sure they are feeling sad too since they’ve been in this school for so long and it’ll definitely hold some kind of sentimental value. They walk out of the school for that one last day and we know they will not be coming back to hurry us to class, teach us things out of our textbook, rub all the marker writings on the horrid board and for us to bow at them, saying “Good Morning” or make small talk each morning when we see each other.

But I guess, they had their reasons and they made these decisions that were most probably the best for themselves and for us. Life consists of so many opportunities and they, are just going to fly off a little while and then they’ll come back, check on us before flying away again, finding a wider horizon for themselves to spread their wings widely. I’m glad that they were once there for us, for giving us all the knowledge that we had to acquire, to be patient with all our questions and to always put our hearts and minds to ease whenever we are feeling down. It isn’t exaggerated at all, they were good and I’m so proud for having them as my teachers. We’ll embrace this changes with all our courage and heart and do them proud.

Teachers of St Nicholas Girls’ School, you are the ones that made our education journey a much better and enjoyable one. I want to thank you for all the efforts that you’ve put in and I’ll definitely miss the ones leaving. It’s gonna be hard but no matter what, I’ll wish them all the best for what the future holds for them. As for the other teachers, I’ll appreciate and treasure each one of you even more.

“A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.
~Henry Brooks Adams”
All the way, lovely teachers!
I love all of you(:

Fourteen in the eleventh month.

Yesterday night, after reading something a strong surge of mixed emotions came over me and somehow I didn’t feel good. Many things of last year came flooding back and I felt so troubled and terrible inside. It was like this monster devouring my whole soul. It wasn’t something that was of sickness but it was something like many strings tugging at my mental soul. As gross as it may sound, but that was how I felt exactly. That made me feel like a person that wasn’t me, like I just changed my soul or something. I didn’t know what happened and I can’t find myself an explanation for how that happened. Certain unhappy things that I once thought that I’ve long forgotten and just kept at a very very teen weeny corner of my mind, came out of nowhere and popped up like a big image filling my whole brain. I couldn’t look at it positively like how I’ve always done so. But I’m glad to say, after waking up this morning, I felt so much better.

Sometimes it’s inevitable that people are sad or unhappy; all those negative feelings. We are all made in this way, to allow us to feel different emotions. Imagine yourself being happy all your life, well it may sound like a good thing, but if you don’t ever feel sad or depressed or angry etc, your life is just a bed of roses with absolutely no excitement at all. And that isn’t realistic, it doesn’t happen in real life, it’s just a figment of a fairytale writer’s imagination.

People go through one of those bad days in life and for me, yesterday was probably by far one of the bad nights since ages ago. I can’t remember myself being so troubled and terrible before last night. I might have learn it the hard way to know how and when to let go of certain things and to not let it bother me anymore, but I guess yesterday might just have been a reminder, a memory that I know will never be erased. But so what, it can affect me for a day, but it will never bring me down for weeks. That’s stupid. As for the other things that were troubling me, like what vanes said, it’s really out of my control (except for my results), so I might as well just accept this fact and think about what I can do about it. It was some disheartening news but I’m sure we’ll all get over it in a matter of time and to remember them for how much they meant to us.

Sim Vanessa:
Thanks for telling me all that in the sms-es that we exchanged last night when I wasn’t feeling good at all. I really do appreciate the fact that you’ve always been so encouraging in all the things and decisions that I’ve done and made. During the toughest periods in st nick’s, you were always ready with all your hugs and a valuable listening ear. Though you’ve moved on to a different school, but till this date, to know that we are still in contact and maintaining our good friendship, it heartens me. I’m also thankful for you, for letting me know that whenever I’m in need of a listening ear or when I’m in trouble, I can just give you a phone call or a sms. You’ve definitely made tough times easier to handle, because of your presence and willingness to help me get over whatever I need to. I may not have told you this before but, Vanes, you’ve been a very important friend to me that I treasure a lot. Right now, I’ve so many things to tell and thank you for but somehow my brain isn’t working that well and those words just don’t come that smoothly now, but just know that in every little way that you’ve helped me, I see it and I’m glad that you did it.

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”
~ Helen Keller
Thank you, Vanes(:

When the sun shines, we’ll shine together(:

(Put on the records, replay, we’re now living the day of 20th October 2009)
HELLO HELLO HELLLLLO!:D
I’m in a relatively quite good mood ’cause I had a good laugh watching the korean drama with my mum while munching on my favourite sour thingy(:
I just completed the NE survey and seriously, it’s really one of those rare surveys where I could relate so well to it! & know something, it’s all thanks to social studies. The survey was mostly ’bout total defence and racial harmony which really brings back all that information that I’ve memorised for social studies exam! There was this statement which says “I know when Total Defence is commemorated” and like lightening, 2 BIG words appeared in my brain: FIFTEEN FEBRUARY. It seems like a small thing but before I studied social studies in Sec 3, I can’t remember when we commemorate total defence day so it’s considered as an achievement! But of course, I know more pro and cheem stuff like the third generation SAF yada yada. WHOO, all that studying is surprisingly still surviving in my brain. Not bad, brainie:D

Heh, so let’s see what I’ve done with my time so far.
1) Sleep.
2) Eat.
3) Watch tv.
4) More sleep, eat and tv.
Oh my geese, I feel guilty somehow. Though exams are over but I think, I might have overly slacked and overly misused my time. HAHAH. I don’t feel as happy as I thought I would be when exams were over, which is really weird. I know that I should start practicing for chinese O which is really nearing, but I can’t bring myself to pick up the pencil, sit down dilligently at the table, open my eyes widely, and be determined to finish up the practices at a certain time. And piano too, it’s just makes sense to use my short-lived free time to go brush up my pieces. I know that’s the most sense-ful thing to do now, but howww now brown cow? It’s always the most sense-ful thing that we end up not doing and the most sense-less thing that we end up spending the whole day on. Nehmind, I’ll take comfort in that by sticking my butt to the chair and fingers to the keys in a few minutes(:

Okay, I don’t wanna talk about such boring things anymore so I shall talk about SATURDAY!:D It’s going to be very, very lengthy and it’s not ’cause I’m long winded or I’ve no summary skills, it’s just that there were so many things that happened that I’ve to type all of them now to preserve this memory:D
WE: VANES, RUTH, ESTHER, MAAN AND I WENT TO RUTH’S HOUSE! How cool is that! very cool right. I’m so glad that we managed to meet up before we get our papers back (you see, I can never seem to detach myself from exam/studies-related stuff, tsk. Too faithful a student.):D Since my house is quite near to Ruth’s which is near serangoon gardens, vanes, esther and maan 136-ed to serangoon gardens circle to meet me there. We decided to go to the temporary NTUC nearby to get our ingredients but we couldn’t find the cookie mix so we went to cold storage. Ruth wanted to make muffins and her house doesn’t have the necessary equipment so I carried them along with me. Oh, and I brought the self raising flour too, which was leftover from making vanes’s farewell cake. At first, vanes, esther and maan weren’t really keen on doing the muffins but I was so bu4 gan yuan4 since I actually dragged all the stuff from my house, so in the end they just relented(:

We had some really funny conversations while buying the stuff and I saw this really prettily wrapped fruit bar, so I was thinking whether to buy it or not. In the end, I did! But it’s so true that we can’t judge someone/thing by it’s cover. The fruit bar tasted awfully weird? Actually, it’s not that bad, so I convinced ruth to share it with me, ’cause I knew I wouldn’t be able to finish the whole thing by myself. I stuck that pretty wrapper in my diary(:

The minute we stepped out of the air-conditioned cold storage, sweat drenched us. We were sweating “madly, deeply, truly” (This song’s really funny. I still remember when esther and I heard it over Tracy’s phone we were laughing our heads off). hahaha! Took a super duper long walk to ruth’s house and we were a little lost, like we didn’t know whether we had to cross the road or not, so ruth just told us to walk straight till we see her. While we were walking, esther and I got into this heated arguement ’bout how it’s only right that friends like each other in a friend way and not hate their friends. I mean, if you are someone’s friend, obviously you like your friend and not hate her/him, since he/she is your friend! Then esther said that for my case, it’s an exception ’cause she hates me even though we are friends. ESTHER NEO WEI SHAN, how bold of you, nehmind, you are forgiven since I like you(: (ai4 de4 li4 liang4~)HAHAHA. So we were quarreling ’bout that which made all of us laugh in the end:D After much bright glares from the sun rays, we saw an even brighter ray of light-ruth, meaning that we were near her house, the end of the torture from the red, hot sun.

According to ruth, her mum wasn’t in the mood to fix the oven so the pro ones, maan and I, helped to fix it while vanes and esther were enjoying the cool air in the living room, tsk, but actually, the oven didn’t need any fixing at all, ’cause all those extra stuff wasn’t needed for baking anyway:p So, vanes, esther and maan made the cookies while ruth and I made the muffins. Ruth and I were happily getting the things ready and cracking eggs and sifting flour in the hugeeee bowl, when we suddenly realised, “OH MY GEESE! We are suppose to put the butter and the sugar in first!:o” In the end, we just put all the ingredients anyhow-ly, we didn’t care which had to go into the bowl first. At first, I was a little worried ’cause we are suppose to follow the steps, to see which ingredients have to be mixed first etc, if not why are they there. Then ruth made this really stupid/cute but make-sense comment “It’s all going to be mixed together in the end what.” hahaha! Isn’t that true? Well, we also not pros mah so we just laughed it off and add in whatever we wanted without any order! On the other side of the kitchen table, vanes, esther and maan were preparing the cookie mix then somehow we started playing with flour and with the mixture that we were mixing. Flour on the faces, mix on the shirts and our muffin mix was all so gooey and so we concluded, if the recipe said to add in the eggs first and the milk second, we have to add in the eggs first. BUT, the muffins still turned out rather nice in the end!:D We found ruth’s mum’s blender beside the sink so we decided to use it to make our very own fantastic fruit juice. The clever maan managed to figure out how to operate it when the rest of us were scratching our heads! We put in star fruit, kiwi and orange and it turned out really delicious. OH WAIT. I just remembered that esther and I put in a cup of this juice at the back of the freezer and we forgot all about it:o I think it’s still there now, hahahah! I better go tell ruth.

After all that playing and washing, we put the cookies in to the oven to be baked first and we went to watch this Jap movie “Sky of Love”, which was so funnaye! There was this scene which actually happened in the library and it was gross and brazen. Fine, we all laughed at the inappropriate moments but it was so sad when the male lead died in the end due to cancer): Thank you, ruth’s daddy for buying back lunch for us!

After the movie, some went to check the cookies or muffins, while the rest of us just started lazing on the sofa. I felt a little tired, so I hugged this huge cushion and closed my eyes. Everything was just right; the air-con was on, I felt happy, the chair that I was on is so comfy, for a little good sleep. Then, vanes had to spoil it all. She let her hair down and pretended to be a female ghost, with an ill intention of scaring me when I open my eyes, but ’cause I was too smart, that didn’t succeed. So, she took other cushions and started throwing at me. Isn’t she mean? Torture a sleeping girl, vanes ah. But, I started throwing cushions towards her too and we had a pillow fight, which was so relieving! It brought back so many childhood memories, childish it may be, but what matters is that we had fun doing that!:D Ruth and maan went to check on the muffins or cookies, so I decided to hide behind the sofa, which was a really small space so they wouldn’t find me there and when they seat on the sofa, I’ll slowly and very carefully sneak up behind them and give them a good scare. But again, vanes spoilt it! She kept shouting “Min’s hiding behind the sofa. Min’s hiding behind the sofa.” Tsk, I wanted to play a good game of hide&seek, but in the end, I couldn’t):

Around 6, vanes had to leave for her hotel stay so the very nice us decided to walk her out to the bus stop and wait for the bus with her. The sun was blazing and scorching but I took this opportunity to get myself burnt. I really wanted to be sun burnt and see the redness, but to no avail. Though it’s damaging and harmful for the skin, it’s actually a once in a life time dream/wish. Which I guess would never be fulfilled. After sending vanes off, we went back to ruth’s house and while ruth was having a shower, maan, esther and I were thinking about what we could do. I suggested to go to East Coast Park or some place to watch the sun set ’cause I’ve never seen it on land before and it would be so exciting to witness one of nature’s wonders! But, maan and esther said that by the time we get there and back, it would be too late, so there goes another dream/wish not fulfilled. Nehmind, there would be another time right!(:

So the next thing we decided to do was to play cards!:D
We played cheat, heart attack (with cards), stress and something else. I haven’t played all 4 before except stress and guess what I was the first to win! The three of them were so amazingly impressed with me and therefore I had such a fun time playing cards with them. It was coming to 7 and ruth had to go for dinner with her family so we all decided to pack up and make our way home. Now, here’s the problem. Outside ruth’s house, in her garden, there was this thing, a living thing. It was furry, had eyes, nose, ears, mouth with sharp teeth, short/long tail, stripe-ful and last of all, it possesses the ability to M-E-O-W. Therefore, the problem is THE CAT. Since esther and I are scared of cats, ruth carried it while we quickly took our slippers and ran out of the house. Once ruth locked the gate, the cat started sticking it’s head through the space between the gate and the ground. It really looked like it could crawl through there.

Esther: It’s head! Can it come out?
Ruth: No no! It wont. -Smiles-
I: Are you sure it can’t squeeze through ’cause…
[Cat decides to push it’s head further out and was having this ill intention of crawling out]
Esther: Ruthhhhhh~
I: It’s going to come out, it’s coming out!
Esther and I: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -Screams and runs-
We screamed so loudly that after we stopped, we could hear the echo! But thankfully, the cat went back in. What a sigh of relief.

There! This kind of sums up what happened on that really beautiful and fun day!
To esther, vanes, maan and ruth:
Thank you for allowing me to have such a wonderful saturday and letting me laugh till my stomach was aching and my cheek muscles from numbing. Our friendship goes quite a long way and we’ve gone through so much together, despite rain or shine. We’ve been standing by each other for everything that we’ve experienced, being there for one another no matter how hard the times are. Every single thing that we’ve done together has so much sentimental value to me and I’m really very thankful for all of you for being such good friends to me. Each one of you have taught me a lot of different things in life and how I should treasure myself, my friends, my family and those around me. You, you, you and you is a chapter of my life that I believe will never close because we’ll have this endless friendship that will connect all of us in tough, happy, sad times.
Thank you for always being such a good friend and for being who you are(:

We'll all come back together; in times of sadness or joy(:

Smiles light up as we walk in

I must say my fringe’s living well since I can see it growing longer day by day(:
Bern lent me this book “Have a Little Faith” by Mitch Albom. I’m not done with the reading but so far it’s rather insightful and reflective. Albom has really made quite a handful of very deep quotes in there. This is really my kind of books.

When Xiao Gu returned my dad’s car last night, heard from her that Da Gu’s not feeling very well and she has been in bed for at least 3 days so I called her to asked how she was. We talked about her condition, discussed about a day where we could all go out when Des is done with her exams and then I told her about my disappointing results. We talked as if we were in the future, next year, 2010, when I’ll be taking my o levels. Well, as a matter of fact, like how my mum puts it, “For yourself, your O’s, you just have another 6-7 more months to go before you find yourself sitting on that chair facing that paper which reads O LEVEL”, it’s really fast. I don’t even have a year to think about O’s anymore, I just have months months months and lesser months. Da Gu said if I can’t make it to JC then let it be, go to polytechnic. It’s just another one more year, it won’t kill. From the time I’ve start receiving education, I already have this clouded impression of polytechnics and I don’t know why. It probably is because of how I’ve seen society viewing them. To polytechnic students, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I despise you, it’s just that I think I need some time to change my mindset. I’ve really got to start planning for my future, the plans I’ll have if I don’t make it to JC and then my career.

These few days, my parents have been talking to me about my future. It’s like all serious talk, no joke at all. I’ve never really sit myself down and think about all this, so when they started the talk, I was digesting what they said but somewhere at the back of my mind, it felt wrong because it was coming too fast, like a train along the greens that races against the wind, chucking on those charcoal black tracks. In a way, I don’t really know how to take it from here. Right now, what I should be concentrating on would be chinese O’s which is on the ninth but the talk (let’s just call it “the talk”, it sounds so professional and all) makes all plans of studying for O’s so foreign and distant. I know what I’m suppose to do but at the same time, I don’t. Is this considered as a crisis? If it is, then it must be “The O Crisis”.

Forget that, so Bern introduced me this great singer last last week. The name’s Matt Wertz.
His songs are the best and his voice, it has the soothing effect and somehow makes peace in my heart(: His lyrics are not bad too, it’s meaningful and comforting to hear them out through his voice. I still can’t figure how to put up videos so till the day I figure it out, google those songs and share the joy too!(: